Divorce Wisdom: Surviving (and enjoying!) the holidays as a divorced parent
November 13, 2014Divorce Wisdom: Resolutions for Better Co-Parenting in the New Year
December 29, 2014Media Contact: MaryConnell Linton, Woll & Woll, 248.354.6070, [email protected]
Birmingham, Mich. – Dec. 29, 2014 – With the new year approaching, Jessica Woll, managing partner of Woll & Woll, P.C., a Michigan-based divorce and family law practice with a niche expertise in complex family law issues, says it’s a good idea to create a list of resolutions designed specifically to make an ex, or soon-to-be ex, easier to deal with in the new year.
- Live by the rule “less is more”:
According to Woll, the general public does not need to know one’s personal business. Even if a spouse is a cheater, an addict or an all-around bad person, it is still not information for public consumption and discussion of the issues should be among an extremely limited circle.
“No matter how dirty, family laundry shouldn’t be discussed by a child’s classmates’ parents at the corner Starbuck or at the next school function,” Woll said. “How can this possibly be good for you or your child? Even if you do not have a child, who really cares about the private details of your relationship? The gossips who chat about the pain and sorrow of a couple for a few gleefully vicious minutes then move on to the next victim of the grapevine? Or those few, trusted and loyal friends who have been there through thick and thin?”
2. Support a child’s relationship with an ex:
Woll suggests making a commitment to find a good thing to say about an ex to the children on a regular basis, no matter how hard this may be. Take the child holiday shopping for an ex or help him/her choose a birthday present for the ex. Commit to remaining “child-centric” at all times.
“Keep all negative comments about your ex to yourself,” Woll said. “It’s not the child’s burden. Remember, it took the two of you to bring the child into the world in the first place. More importantly, always be cognizant of the fact that every time a criticism is made of your ex, it sends the child a message that half of him/her is no good.”
3. Keep cool:
“What pushes you from zero to 60 on the “angry meter” the quickest? When this happens, what is your typical response? Okay, now take a deep breath and try the opposite approach,” Woll said. “This takes a lot of willpower and is not always possible, so do not be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t always work. However, while you are taking that deep breath, picture the faces of your beautiful children. A new approach may require some trial and error. Be patient and consider the long-term effects of your behavior, keeping your children’s best interest at heart at all times.”
4. Pick your battles:
Divorce is extremely difficult, no matter how hard one tries to make the best of it for the family, Woll says.
“When a challenging situation involving your ex occurs, do not be reactionary. Do not put anything in writing (e-mail, text, etc.) while angry and at the spur of the moment. Consider all options and compromises and what is ultimately best for your child before you decide when to bend and when to hold your ground,” Woll said.
5. Remember, “You get what you give”:
“How you act and what you put out there comes back to you. Behave well,” Woll said. “Exude kindness and love and you will attract good, kind and loving people in return. Make the decision to cut out all of the toxic and unsupportive people from your life this year. You do not need their negative influence or energy. As long as you are being a kind, decent, loving human who puts his/her children first, the rest does not matter.”
About Woll & Woll, P.C.
Celebrating 20 years as a firm in 2014, Woll & Woll, P.C. specializes in divorce and family law, including legal separation, post-judgment of divorce matters, removal of domicile actions, stepparent adoption, custody, child support, paternity and other family issues. Learn more at https://wollandwollpc.com.
